dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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