Please don't use social media to get back at me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
