apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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