That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it was like eating out sand paper
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
