why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
