Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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