y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
