I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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