shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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