sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
