From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
