apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
