got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
