I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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