You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
