my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
