4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
