Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
