Pappa wants mamma naked
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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