Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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