East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
