miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
