She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
