why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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