She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
