I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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