I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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