I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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