New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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