I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
