I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
