I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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