And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
