Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize