the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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