You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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