she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
