i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
