CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
