smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
