I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
