Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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