I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
