fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
