I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
