I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
