Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My liver just broke up with me...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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