I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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