She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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