this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
