Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
