i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
