Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
