I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
