He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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