umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
