i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
