Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
