just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize