i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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