Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
