Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
