it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
