i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
