Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
