Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
