the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
