I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
