His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
