as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I looked at my own cervix.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
