i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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