Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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