How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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