Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
